The first of this month, as I was packing my bag, my 18 year old daughter asked where I was going, in shock, because I don't go many places without my dude. When I told her where I was going for the next two days she asked if I was scared? Yes! Super anxious about what was going on. I was worried I would be the oldest woman there, the only one who wears Costco sweatpants instead of LuluLemon yoga pants, and there was a Barre class I was NOT looking forward to doing in front of others. I was going because I needed some time to take care of what has been going on inside of me for the last few months. She said I was SO...she couldn't think of the right word...and she was proud of me for doing this scary thing. I love that kid. Then I just went and did the damn thing.
I used to hold retreats for women and loved it because my passion is holding space for women! I loved going to retreats myself. Things happened that kind of ruined the magic for a bit and I haven't gone to anything like this for a long time. I've healed those parts of me... whew. A beautiful new friend invited me to a pilot retreat she and a friend were doing and I didn't even hesitate. My husband didn't hesitate to give me the go ahead, he has witnessed the last few months and knew I needed this. So, because the universe put all the pieces in place, I had a beautiful weekend.
Staci & Alaina, and all the lovely women they brought in as teachers and attendees, were just what my soul needed. As we gathered in a circle Friday afternoon and went around the room I realized I was in a room full of women who were mostly in the same season of life as myself, and one maiden of 25 who is already starting to care for herself in ways that will help her grow into a wise crone someday. There were women who were going through something hard that I have gone through and am on the other side of. I wasn't the only one not in designer workout gear, and no-one cared if I was going to have a hard time in that barre class. I was in a circle of kindred spirits who said words I say, and think thoughts similar to my own, or who were open to hearing these words & thoughts. Balm for the soul, all of it.
We learned from a qualified holistic therapist about intuition, femine vs. masculine energy, and so many other things that spoke directly to that thing inside of me that has been fighting me tooth and nail the last few months. We did an amazing breathwork that had me crying and releasing things I didn't need to hold in any longer. I talked with women for hours; we all held space for each other with love & no judgement . There was a lot of gentle yoga which taught me to move the energy through my body and really feel this beautiful vessel I've been given. That barre class was really hard for me, my body felt it, but I realized it's ok if I am not in the same place as others. We were all in a safe space that had been created for two incredible women who thought of every detail. There was healthy food prepared by a woman whose passion is feeding others nourishing food.
Why am I telling you about this weekend? Because I am a holistic esthetician who truly believes to heal the outside we need to be in tune with the inside. Our bodies are pure magic. They will tell us what we need if we will listen. Our skin does reflect what is happening with our mental, and physical, health. I am also telling you because if you ever have the chance to give yourself this gift of retreat I would send you to one with these two ladies. I would send you to do therapy with a woman who has the knowledge that therapy doesn't just look like talking through your problems, there are other ways to address what is happening with you. I met yoga teachers who teach all over our valley that I would recommend. I have done breathwork with someone who understands what it is to hold space for something that can be hard for you and holds classes near me. Finally, I wanted to tell you about this experience so maybe next time you question whether you should show up you will have the courage to set aside the fear and anxiety and do the damn thing yourself. Go to the yoga class, no one cares that you don't look like a swan while you do the poses. Take the barre class, no one cares that you can't do all of the things, do as much as you can. GO TO THERAPY if you need it. Listen to your body and your soul and do what regulates what's happening inside of you. Stop listening to all the podcasts, reading all the books, clicking on every IG post that promises you something miraculous, and listen to that beautiful body and heart of yours. You are wise and no-one knows you like you.
Thank you Staci & Alaina for inviting me to participate in what I hope will be the first of many retreats. I am honored to have been there. You brought new friends into my life that I will cherish for a long time. I'm so grateful that you followed your passion and shared your wisdom with us. Namaste.
Comments