A Safe Space for Women: A Letter to the Woman Who Needs to Know She Isn’t Alone

Content note: This letter touches on sexual trauma, shame, and mental health. Please take care of yourself as you read.

Dear Friend,

If you’re carrying something painful right now, I wish I could sit beside you for a while and listen without you having to explain it perfectly.

You might wonder why I’m sharing something so personal in a public space directly connected to my business. For me, the two are connected. I created retreats, classes, and a spa where women could feel cared for because I know how much it matters to have a non-judgmental place where you can be safe and treated with care. Most importantly, you can show up as just who you are and feel loved. I’m sharing this because I want the women who find their way here to know there’s a woman behind this business who understands that we bring our whole selves with us, including the parts that are still tender. If sharing a little of my story helps even one woman feel less alone, then it feels right to share it here.

I know how easy it is to blame yourself and hold onto that pain alone. To wonder if you should have known better or made different choices. I’ve spent a lot of my life carrying shame for things I didn’t understand at the time. I’m only now beginning to see some of my experiences more clearly, and to understand that the blame I carried wasn’t mine.

I grew up in a small town, where there were many things women didn’t talk about. I experienced trauma when I was young, and more in my teenage years. For a long time, I didn’t have words for what had happened. Over this past year, as I’ve listened to other women and followed the stories around us, I’ve begun to understand that some of what happened to me in life was rape and abuse.

I’m telling you this because I want you to know that you aren’t the only one who has looked back and started to make sense of things later. You don’t have to have all the right words today. You don’t have to tell anyone more than you’re ready to tell. And you don’t have to carry someone else’s responsibility as if it were your own.

I’ve also been learning more about myself. At 28, I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder. That diagnosis was wrong. I now know I have ADHD. There is relief in finally understanding parts of myself, and grief for all the years I might have had more support. I know many women, especially older women, are finding out later in life that ADHD may have been part of their story, too. If that’s you, I hope you can be gentle with yourself while you take it in.

Some of the choices I made were harmful to me. I’m beginning to understand that trauma and undiagnosed ADHD may have been part of what I was struggling with. I can’t sort out every reason, and I don’t need to in order to treat my younger self with more compassion.

I am writing because I hope every woman, wherever she finds community, can speak honestly about pain and be met with kindness. Many of us learned to be good, to be strong, and to keep difficult things to ourselves. We deserve places where we can tell the truth and be cared for.

The past year has been hard. I’ve been working through memories, asking questions, and trying to understand what shaped me. My therapist and a few close friends have helped me feel less alone. I’m learning about boundaries, too...what I need, what feels safe, and what I no longer have to carry for other people.

I don’t have a perfect answer for what you’re going through. I can’t make the hurt disappear. I wish I could with all my heart. But I can tell you what I wish I’d known, you are not weak for struggling. You are not bad because you made choices you regret. You do not have to be ashamed of what someone else did to you. You deserve care, support, and time.

For the last 15 years, I’ve wanted women to feel less alone. That’s why I created retreats and classes, and why I wanted the spa to feel like a place where women could exhale and be cared for. I’m still learning how to offer that care to myself, too.

So, if you’re in a hard place, please know I’m thinking of you with love. You don’t have to figure everything out today. You don’t have to do it all by yourself. You are never alone.

XX,

Marci